I think my fart just growled at me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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