Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
