Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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