You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my phone needs a breathalizer
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
