i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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