Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
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I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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