at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
