hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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