life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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