I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
