i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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