Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
