I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
