Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
