I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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