on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
