It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
