too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
