I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
