her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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