i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
