champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
