I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
