You're my little dorito
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
