Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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