he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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