We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
