Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
