marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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