so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I touched a dick in church today
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
