Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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