Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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