As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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