You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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