do herpes really smell.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
