should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
