Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
