at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
