Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
