my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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