No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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