Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
