apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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