I'm going to jail i love you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
