My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
