I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
