y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
