wrigley field is MILF paradise
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sacagawea was the original milf.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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