she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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