I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
