# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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