i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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