She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We are all done wearing pants today
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
