This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
