mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
