Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
