she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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