you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
