guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
