I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
