I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
