oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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