I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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