Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
