You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
