Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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