at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
